Sunday, March 25, 2007
Well.. Its sunday today.. Hahazz.. God has been so good to me.. He helped me be close with my frens again.. And he gave me a wonderful class, plus the fact that he helped me reconcile with L(not real name, needa hide real name due to confidentiality).. i really thank god manxx.. for all the truths that u helped me discover and helping people to see who i really am becuz many people just misunderstand me.. AND i thank you for that.. Lord, u are just so wonderful.. WooHoo!!
Am quite happy this week ba. Hahazz.. Haishzz.. But the only thing remains is i dun dare tell her i like her.. For fear of losing the frenship that we are having now. Would rather be frens with her and be able to help her in anyway i can than be in a re-enactment of the cold war and cannot do anything to help her when she in trouble, like L that time.. well.. ain't gonna elaborate on L's issue cuz its confidential!! Hahazz.. Anyway, many people dun really know me and understand me, the way i view things and why i view it that way. I have to admit i am quite different from "normal" guys; who gals always say are insensitive and slow to emotions-emotionless. For me.. i am basically two words--- TOO Emo!! hahazz anyway, just one thing, like what i told L, loving someone dun really mean needing to be together as stead. Rather, to me, its about making her happy without asking anything in return. And that includes steading as well. All this OG thing. SO troublesome. Perhaps i shall elaborate abit more.. It all started......
Well, i was in this OG, and i had sorta a misunderstanding which resulted in me being outcasted. Well.. Some Kind souls there tried to pull me back and it was mainly L. Somehow maybe cuz of that or maybe not. But i found myself liking her. Yeah. For me, i didn't wan the First incident where i abit too openly hint i like M(another gal) by asking her if she can be my college dance partner.. Hahazz.. Well.. i didn't wan another what we(the OG) call the "M"(use actual name la, M is just to cover identity) incident. Haishzz.. anyway, her birthday came quite soon, and i wanted ask her out.( with a few other people from OG too. DUH what were u guys thinking!! Tsk..) Somehow the entire OG learnt about it and oh well.. All wanted to come so in the end somehow or another, dunno if its cuz too many people going; L said she couldn't make it like 5 days into the thing and spoilt my hard work organising the outing specially for her. Haishzz.. No one understands. Anyway, A(another gal from our OG)suggested that we buy her a cake in school and somehow L loves ice cream cake.(Woah!! Now this is difficult) Cuz cannot order liao, need dunno how many days in advance to be able to do so but i only went there like a day before hand to ask cuz i was busy..
Anyway, i had quite alot of time on friday, i got this long 2 hours lunch and so i decided to like to buy during that time, chiong cab there and chiong back. bought two ice cream cakes in the end cuz A and me wanted celebrate in our CCA with L as well. Anyway, This all extra details.. What happen was she was happy.. very happy and that was enuff. I forked out all the money sia.. Hahazz.. (sorta broke) Anyway bought this 60 dollars present for her, comprised of a few items put together. yeah.. Plus box plus wrapping paper. And somemore nvr include me chionging cab too. transport cost. Guess i abit over budget huh.. Well.. i didn't mind then and i didn't regret then and its the same now. Bought her this nice necklace.. Hahazz.. :)
then somehow this guy called "S" asked me if i liked her. Being a christian and a trusting person i told him "ya". I was like veyr shy and stuff but still manage to talk to her. like remain frenly, though we nvr talk much. Then Hell ascended.
A few weeks later(like 2), He backstabbed me and told L i like her.. LIKE so WTH LA!! I remembered being so hurt and stuff.. Then that ass who betrayed me say,"Its time to end it all" and what"It's time u forget her le, she dun even like u" etc la.. say what she has being avoiding the OG and stuff. I remembered being damn confused la, and i kept blaming myself and at the same time hating him--S. I like shouted at him and asked," Why u go tell her?" and u know whats his FREAKING ANSWER?!! "She Already know liao what, no diff!!" BUT WTH LA, DUN U KNOW WHAT IS SOMETHING CALLED THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT?!! I JUST WANTED TO MAKE HER HAPPY AND STILL BE FRENS BUT BECUZ OF U!--S, I CANNOT EVEN TALK TO HER. LIKE COLD WAR LIDDAT!! I still told him that i still liked her but i was not even trying to woo her so where was the "giving up" part pointing to?!! Somehow that moronic ass, who is so totally insensitive dun understand and i knew it when he keep saying," she know already what. so i say also no diff. Just give up!"
wth.. Anyway, i was talking to L yesterday and i got thw whole story. (LIKE FINALLY!!! STOOOPID S dun wan tell me even though i keep pestering him. Perhaps u all can infer why when i say the whole story)
L said that during that time, she knows that I--me, S , and F(another guy in the same OG like her) and then the S&F go confront her saying they very angry cuz she nvr do anything despite knowing that all 3 of us like her. I like wondering if S and F really like her la. Cuz to me, i dun need her to do anything, i just wan remain frens and make her happy. Amd hopefully over time let her like me.. i mean like who knows manxx.. Apparently what i dunno is S likes her too.. And i told him my plan of "lying" to L that i dun like her(I love her what!! Hahazz.. Simple.. Oops..) so that the rumors about me liking L will subside and I and L wun be so awkward seeing each other.. Anyway, apparently S jealous and saw me in the winning position and decided to back stab me, (see. Man can be so evil.) by telling her i like her. Anyway L was super confused cuz she dunno what to do to solve the issue over the 3 of us.. though i didn't require any solving cuz i wasn't expecting anything.(she dunno at that time) Anyway, whats worse is that people start calling her a flirt becuz of this. and i was super angry when i heard it from her yesterday. I was like telling her," U should have just come ask me for help, cuz i just wan be frens." and finally she understood MY meaning of love. cuz she thought i was like the other guys who only think about steading with someone they like. Anyway, thank god, L and I are like reconciled. I am stil guilty stricken that i was part of what made her so sad. Had she known my character, had she known my feelings for her was real, and deep that i really dun ask anything in return in spite spending like 200 plus on her just for her birthday. Yeah.. Hope she dun read this.. Hahazz.. She will be so shocked and like thankful. which is what i dun wan.. just wan her happy can le.. Zzzz.. She wan focus on her studies now.. Yeah.. Think i should too.. Yeah.. And this is the sad story.. hahazz..
thats all for now ba.. :) Cheerios k? Oh ya.. Love 1A01, esp shir, charlotte, steph and wei jie.. U guys rocks k? hahazz.. Love my jie too.. (.")
God bless..
carved upon my life at 4:30:00 PM