Sunday, June 3, 2007
Wa..
My house looks cleaner than be4..
Gonna start shifting house soon..
Sianz..
I am gonna miss my home..
Anyway, had to clean up cuz just now ppl coming to view..
Sianz..
Hols sux..
Is it a holiday at all?
Crazy de..
Worse thing is I haven't start packing yet,
and I got little time left..
Cuz of the stupid camp..
Haishzz..
SMUN!!
Ruining my chances.. with her..
Waste my time..
I taking part in so many competition and thats why i need commit alot of time
thats why cannot be with her also..
Sianz.. I really dunno whether to say not.. Luke says i should..
But its like selfish of me..
Wun it distract her from her studies?
Aren't I being selfish when i tell her just so I can feel better?
While letting her start avoiding me and have a headache for the rest of JC life?
I mean,
What are the chances she will accept me?
what are the chances she will agree to wait till after As?
What are the chances she will like an idiot like me?
What are the chances again that she wun like someone else when I in army?
WTH!!
And I swear by God's name nvr to swear again..
NVR..
its not cool.. Its uncouth..
I am getting rid of it once and for all..
My heart aches doubly,
One cuz I have lost a fren.
the other cuz of her..
Wth..
God spoke to me..
He asked why I broke up my friendship with my fren when I am at fault?
He asked me why I dun wan him as fren when he trying to help me?
But I dunno..
I am no longer impt in his eyes too..
I am no longer that impt fren who had stood by him..
I am a nuisance..
He comes to me cuz he pities me and finds a need to..
Like its his responsibility..
What should I do?
My life is a mess..
Though I know I can end it all..
I can't..
Both problems..
I think I may need to be alone during term 2..
No more liao..
I wun trust anyone anymore..
I realise one can nvr tell one entirely about yourself,
cuz your fren will find u repulsive and hate u..
And after her..
I wun like anyone le..
No more..
I realise I am willing but unable to afford liking one..
The heart aches tortures me constantly..
One feels like one is drowning from air..
In a hapless situation..
I must grow stronger, be wiser..
And learnt to be immune to emotions..
It doesn't help anymore..
Nothing will..
carved upon my life at 9:54:00 PM