Monday, August 27, 2007
Haiisshzzzzzzzzzz..
I am so sorry for starting this post with a sigh such as this..
But its really what my heart is now..
Many things happened lately..
Things I regret, though it wasn't in my control..
Somehow, I wished I had the power to stop it from happening..
That wasn't possible since its already happening..
And now, I feel like someone trying to hide from all the anguish
yet again at the same time, wanting to be there..
In the open, where I can see you..
GOD.. I really need help in this..
Help me overcome..
This jealousy I am feeling..
I hate being jealous but its so inevitable when you played your charade,
and I was fooled, and now I know I ain't that special one..
Someone else is..
I can't be sure who he is..
But I am guessing and this jealousy is eating me from the inside out..
Its consuming me from within..
Threatening to make me lose my sanity..
This desperation.. It is familiar yet 陌生..
It seems like the same one I feel everytime things liddat happen..
But this time, thought its similiar, its different..
You are just so different..
Perhaps thats why I......
I feel so much for you..
I cannot say that u are the first I feel deeply for..
But there's just something that is different..
Somethings that I admire..
Well.. I chose the long way out..
And its torturous.. I had been frank with you..
And the result is this..
I don't know what to do anymore..
Slept only 45 mins today..
One of my fren had problems and I stayed up to listen and comfort..
Nah.. Was trying to do PW anyway..
That was sunday night..
Saturday night, Another fren stayed late in my house and left only at about 3..
Haishzzz.. All you people.. I really understand how you feel..
I often wonder what keeps me going..
Especially when I have been so distant from God..
I think of ending things.. Ending everything..
But then I thought of some of my teachers and my frens..
And I know I must live and continue holding on because of them..
I love you people alot..
I have been putting on a smile in school.. Laughing and being lame..
Cheering people up.. I love doing that..
It makes me feel wanted, important cause I made a difference..
All I want is someone whom I can be with..
And now its not happening..
I had been so elated and in disbelief when I sorta "confirmed" thru the many hints..
U made me the happiest on earth for 2 weeks..
Be4 that, though I was guessing and I couldn't be sure..
Anyway, u made me one of the happiest man on earth,
And now one of the most anguished person..
Crying silently.. 当你孤单你回想起谁？
For me, its you.. I think of you..
I am oh so willing to be that someone u can trust, u can rely on, u can believe in..
Though Things may always not be smooth in a relationship..
I promise to be there.. Never let u go..
I will be like the robot, 编号89757,
不知不覺中我愛上你
行為變的不由自己
絕對不背叛你
But it seems more like a dream now..
So near yet so far.. How true can this saying get?
I see you smiling and I am happy..
But somehow I wanna be there..
But, as long as u are happy, I will have no complains..
But I will thrash the people who messes with your heart..
If you should ever find someone new
I know he better be good to you oh
Cos if he doesn’t
Then I’ll be there
Don’t you know baby yeah
Yeah I’ll be there
(I’ll be there)
I’ll be there yeah-e-yeah
Just call my name
(And I’ll be there)
I’ll be there
(Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah)
I’ll be there baby
I’ll be thereYou know
I’ll be there
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Just like the lyrics in this song..
I will be there..
Just call my name..
carved upon my life at 8:16:00 PM