Sunday, October 14, 2007
Time:1:23AM SUNDAY
Ok.. Back from everything..
Back from church.. And woah..
Learned loads..
Pastor Ben is super duper zuper nuper zai can?
Wa lao.. I think he GP will get A without even putting effort sia..
All those words..
PLus all those knowledge..
Wa.. If I only had half of such great spirituality in Christ.. I would be WOAH!!!
Oh man.. God, I will wanna be closer to u..
I want to mean it when I say,"U are all that I need.." or something with similar meaning..
Like,"U are my everything.." or "I give my all to u.."
I realised ever since.....
I hit upon the fact that I realised when I sing it,
I may not really mean it..
Even if its sub-consciously..
Cuz I will think of........
Aiks...
Dunno la.. Alot stuff running thru my head..
The few I mentioned in my earlier posts..
I keep thinking.. And fan nao..
PLus results and loads more.. Like my walk with God..
Friends' problem.. A few of them somemore.. (diff groups of frens..)
someone.....
My sheep..( I feel like I dun deserve to be his shepherd anymore..)
I cannot even play a part in his growth..
I cannot even talk to him well anymore..
Putting aside all his faults.. I am basically incapable la..
Plus my own weakened walk with God cuz of my other sheep that left..
And some other stuff I have been going thru in the past months..
Plus my own laziness..
I seriously hate the fact that I am lazy..
If I ain't, who knows?
Even my teacherS say that I would be in RJ on president scholarship..
Its just that I dun study.. and still can get quite ok results for PSLE and Os..
That make me even mroe lazy..
Not that I dun thank God for that.. But I REALLY WANNA GET RID OF THIS SHIT!!
DAMN IT!!!
Aiya..
Anyway.. Today sux also la..
My cousin's birthday..
Went to Pasir Ris park to BBQ..
Cycled and Emo-ed.. for like 1 plus hour..
Cuz of this, I couldn't make it for J1 bonding session..
Then also not allowed to stay over..
I want my freedom.
I so poor le.. Still no freedom..
No money, no wings..
Sianded.. My mum really gets me irritated..
Ban me from going to church earlier also..
IT was super impt can? The harvester meet.. ARGHH!!
DAMN IT!!! !%$@#^&*
Haishzz.. So many stuff are so *beep* *beep* *beep*....
I NEED A BREAK!! I REALLY DO!!
Even my sheep.. Though U didn't say it..
But i can see that U dun really even regard me as ur shepherd la..
Can la.. I thinking of asking Kaiwen of changing shepherd.. I need a break..
I really do.. I cannot stand taking responsibility when no one appreciates it..
DAMNIT!!! Its not like I wan u to like take me as God or praise me..
I just want u to take me as ur shepherd..
Haishzz.. Dun say le la..
I have given up..
Both my sheep have died under me..
I am a failed leader..
Failed christian..
What else do I even deserve?
carved upon my life at 1:06:00 AM