Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Time:12:53am.. Haishzz.. I dunno why.. But somehow I am still at square one..Its painful.. Its taking alot of my mental strength, my energy..but no progress has been made..I just cannot seem to forget..Every single remains fresh in my mind.. Esp that day..Esp.... Emoing becomes inevitable..I try to hide it inside..I dun wan to show ppl the emo side anymore..But its like making things worse when I keep it inside..I feel very fake..Being emo and pain-strikened..But then acting cheerful and pretending nothing is wrong..I really really really wish I hadn't known the truth..I keep trying to convince myself I am just being used..And that all I was thinking were just false hopes..That all those hints i percieved were non-existent..I was just being too subjective..But there's this stupid part in my brain that screams no..This stupid part refuses to acknowledge it..I feel like I am pulled on both sides..
just this feeling alone is enuff to kill me..But there is more..The pain I feel from knowing about it.. Etc..Plus the pressure from Promos.. Church and other stuff just make me feel suffocated..I very stressed.. very confused.. very emo.. very luan.. Very hopeful..(like Lear..)I dunno..A million thoughts run thru my head every second..And they continue doing so until I register it..Its crazy.. Like some kinda mega computer..zzzz.. Haishzz.. Dun talk more le la..No one likes an emo post.. So yeah.. Shall stop here..Blog more in my private blog that holds all the truth and the intense feelings I feel..k then.. lucks to all H2 Math student..
carved upon my life at 12:53:00 AM