Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Went to botanic garden today..
took a cab cuz I woke up late.. and it cost me $10.50..
Saded..
I so poor le.. still need do this kinda shit..
Somemore no ez-link card.. Really super inconvenient..
Haishzz..
My wallet.. My birthday present.. Tsk.. irritating..
Went tanglin mall and ate at the food court..
Wanton mee.. And a can of beer.. LOL!! rootbeer la..
Anyway, went home after that and maple plus bleach till i fell asleep at 5.30 and woke up at 9..
Read some chinese book that contains essays written by ppl..
Then bleaching now.. Stopped at episode 135 le..
Sianded.. Better go sleep liao.. Its 12.41..
Damn late liao..
Tml is gonna be a boring day again..
My life seems to be brimming, from God's presence in my life..
But I always feel that sometime is missing..
Someone is....
They always say that as long as you have christ, he is all you need..
Cause his love is enuff..
Thats why I say I am not a good christian..
Cuz I feel that even with all that, I need someone else....
Perhaps its cuz I am not that close in my walk with God,
and perhaps its cuz of that problem that worsens it..
Now, I am like no where..
-You have it but you don't..
Its so real.. I have frens.. But i dun have them too..
Superficial friends.. Great frens who will definitely stand by me in times of trouble..
But then.. they only come when I need help..(They even know I need it..)
Like I said, anyone go out on some kinda outing also wun bother calling me..
Haishzz.. Get used to the fact..
I gonna harden my heart.. Not let it be so frail any longer...
Make it devoid of emotions like before..
Make me emotionless..
I really hope I can do it..
Cuz I have been trying to do so, so many times..
But somehow, someone or something that comes along will stop me with their concern..
But then I know..
If I hardened my heart, there's no turning back..
since its so difficult hardening it,
its gotta be worse when u wanna be someone with emotions again..
But I can really feel less of this shit that I am feeling now..
I really can do without it..
I should be cold and unfeeling since being warm and friendly doesn't do shit..
Should I?
I pray that I will have a HARDENED heart..
I want it..
Cuz I dun wanna be controlled by it any longer.. *not that i am being controlled..
I dun wanna be a part of it any longer..
Its like this inner self..
I dun wan the heartaches.. I dun wan the heartbreaks..
I dun wan to feel anything that I am feeling now..
I really dun wan..
it sux..
however, emoing does have its fun.. -.-
EnthuEmoKid is about to lose his enthuness to emoness..
emo emo emo emo elmo.. -.-
carved upon my life at 12:09:00 AM