Friday, May 16, 2008
Man.. Today was quite a short and tiring day..
Came to school.. went for lessons..
Normal stuff..
Glad I didn't sleep in lectures though i was damn tired..
Learnt alot tooo.. >.<
What was shocking was that i learnt that one of my fren was actually in hospital..
This sec sch friend of mine.. Nice guy..
Dunno why God has to give him cancer..
Tumour in the chest..
Thank God he went for Army medical checkup and found early..
When he went there.. They referred him to NUH..
But he was only admitted one month later and know what?
His tumour spreaded from just one small lump to his entire chest..
DAMN IT!! Why can't they have been more efficient.. FOOLS!!
Now he has to undergo Chemo and then operate on the reduced size of tumour as a result of chemo..
Seeing him in this state reallly break our hearts..
Though i was supposed to be pool-ing with old sec sch frens..
I decided to go out with this other bunch of also sec sch frens to visit him..
It made me feel and realise how lucky I am..
I mean..
This could have been me...
DAMN IT!! It could have..
Imagine it man..
Alll that pain he is going through now..
I told him..
U better get well..
I swear I am gonna bring u out..
WE are gonna bring u out when u are better..
So get well.. and be brave!
I thought and thought about everything..
How fragile life is..
Then I thought about what ppl will do if that were me..
How many would come and visit me?
Would the girl I like still like me then?
Think think think until I really think that it really takes the hell of a courage to want to pull through it..
For a sec, I was thinking..
I might not even wanna live on if it were me..
But somehow when i thought and remembered about certain things and how he,
though small in size has a courage so big..
I decided I will live no mattter what..
For those who love me and those I love..
It doesn't matter if who I love dun love me back..
As long as I can see that she is happy.. or the close frens I have are happy..
It will be worth me staying alive..
Makes me think about whats happening between me and that girl..
Like whether she will be the kind who will stick by me even thru sickness and stuff..
Will she? I believe she will.. (Isn't that partly why I liked her?)
It then reminded me of my mum and how she stuck by my Dad despite the tough times she had to face..
Man.. I really gotta hand it to my Mum..
She is just so strong, emotionally that is..
Settle all my father's stuff.. settled our sch stuff and still work and teaches us..
She is definitely the bestest Mum I know..
Haishzz..
Cannot emo le.. Why emo when u still have a life and is living it good?
While the are others who just wish to be able to get out and run and be free?
Miss Thiang said to Shawn..
I know how u feel about your incident with ahem ahem.. and I know about how u feel..(like dying that is..)
Somehow Shawn James and I are like kinda emo about stuff.. Girls to be precise..
Shawn and James one is similar in terms of what happened.. They broke up and feel down..
Me.. Dun wanna explain too much la..
But I am just as emo..
That feeling of not being able to study even when u want to..
When u open to book to try and read it and all u can think about is her and her face keeps floating into your mind..
It hurts...
but ok la.. must be strong.. Miss Thiang said in the end:
"If u can't find a reason to live for yourself..
Find someone worthy to live for..
Like your Mum.. your grandparents..
Or me... cuz i will go suicidal if U fail your mids..
For me, i think of my grandma.."
Thats what she said..
Man.. That makes so much sense..
I think I will still live and run for this someone..
and of cuz my grandma..
I love her a great deal man..
Ok la.. Gotta pack my room..
Gonna shift house soon.. Like to this place just diagonally opposite school..
Explain in details tml.. Cheerios!!!
carved upon my life at 10:14:00 PM