Sunday, October 26, 2008
Just some stuff I did today..
Went visit my ah ma.. She cooked chilli crabs for me..
I told her.. After As will go learn how to cook all the different food from her..
Only know how to cook her pork chops.. So yeah..
Anyway.. Talked about some stuff with her..
Haishzz.. Dunno what to say.. I just love her alot.. Dun want her to be hurt..
But sometimes my grandpa can be unreasonable.. Haishzzz.. He also my Zhang Pei..
What to do.. Zzzz..
Tuitioned at 2.45 to 5.15..
Consolidated Market Structure.. Dare say I can answer almost all questions after more practice..
Chionged back home for basketball..
Wei En was already waiting.. That bugger got parents fetch ma..
I take bus sia.. And he change timing to 5.30 instead of 6..
So I only reach at 5.45.. Realised the basketball court at my house one side spoil..
The other super alot of ppl..
So went down to punggol CC to play..
Met Edwin.. And after 40 mins there.. I went home to change to a better shorts..
And continued playing at Hougang Ave 8/Hougang street 51.. Played until super tired..
Went KFC and eat.. Talked about several stuff and yeah.. Home sweet home..
Dunno what to say.. Dun feel like saying..
Its just that.. I wanna just shout and shout until my heart dies on me..
I know not what to say.. I just wanna complete what is incomplete..
I have everything planned out.. I just need people around me to help me..
To drown out everything I feel.. To be my morphine..
Numb me to the pain..
After the As.. When I have done what needs to be done..
I will sprint and train.. I will basketball every single day..
I will drown myself in more personal studies.. I will not leave myself a single second for this pathetic heart of mine to hover over......... that which pains me most..
Perhaps I did die in Phuket..
Won't it be great? No army.. No As.. No more craziness to go through..
I have been kinda deluding myself.. I realised..
I said it won't matter.. It won't.. IT FREAKING WON'T!!
but it just seems to be this hit.. That knocks out all the resolve..
Why?! Why?! WHY?! How did it disappear? What happened to that resolve?!
So.. I am just here.. Continually deluding myself..
Its ok.. I dun feel anything...
I am numbed.. I am..
but.. the tiny voice inside me is screaming..
It's not over.. It's not over.. Why is it over?!
We had the chance to make it..
Now it's over.. it's over.. It can't be over....
I wish I could take it back..
Falling apart.........
carved upon my life at 11:29:00 PM