Saturday, July 4, 2009
Ok.. Let's briefly go through my entire week..
Had my assessment for driving and retest for parking on tuesday.. Passed both..
Passed driving test on wednesday.. Rocks man..
Had dinner with buddy on monday.. Supposedly wanna go Sushi Tei..
But went Ding Tai Fung instead..
Was thoroughly disappointed with its Xiao Long Bao..
Not hot.. And isn't as tasty as the one i tasted in dunnno what restaurant in err.. Marina Square..
Oh well.. Walk walk around after that and "explored" the new mall..
Dunnno whatisname.. Zzzzzz..
Headed home after gorging ourselves with some tasty Yami Yoghurt..
So yeah.. Went out with a certain someone for dinner today..
Not gonna say who.. but oh well.. We had fun.. Met alot of fellow Ex-SRJCians too.. There was Ali, Gunawan and even Sardine.. LOL!! I dunnno how spell his name la.. But its pronounced like this..
It was then I came to realise how much i missed SRJC..
Something struck me hard today too..
Was talking/just hearing some guy talk today..
About how they had sex with the girls they know..
And from what I had.. Like having multiple relationships..
And cheating on them.. And How girls nowadays are so loose..
I worry so much I actually had a headache..
How do I know whether my wife is pure when I marry her?
How do I know what happened before?
I am gonna be straightforward..
I am a SELFISH man..
I want my future gf to have as many first experiences with me as possible..
The first kiss, the first romantic encounter..
Whatever.. I wanna be her first in everything..
I can't harbour the thought of any other man being the first other than me..
What is past, of cuz I can try to let go..
But if a girl i like is steading with another man just before my eyes..
My heart aches.. Esp when I know that man is gonna be taking away everything..
I might stand a chance next time.. Maybe.. but I would have lost all meaning then..
I dunnno.. I am just God Damn protective.. That's all..
Should I still marry someone who means alot to me even though she's no longer pure?
What should I gauge whether what i should do and whether she is worthy to be my wife then?
What do I do? Why are guys so freaking idiotic.. One guy take so many girl's virgin and make guai ppl like me lose out?
Should we guai ppl then be just as bad so we are not on the losing end?
LIKE SERIOUSLY WTF? WHAT'S THE USE OF BEING THE GOOOD GUY?
DUN THE HERO ALWAYS DIE FIRST?
SO WHY AM I CLINGING ON TO THESE VALUES THEN?! FOR WHAT?!
I am going through a very crazy stage of my life now..
Am in an insane dilemma with only two ways out.. the nice and happy way or the sad way, as usual..
And I dare bet.. i will be walking out a loser again..
like i dun understand why..
I know I am not a nice guy.. but why is it that I must fall and fall in love again.. When I have just stepped out of it totally like for only a few freaking months?
LIKE GOD DAMN FINALLY?!!!
Can't someone just turn off my emotions for the next two years?
Make me lose feelings for anyone?
I dunnno..
I dunnno alot of things..
Who knows what its like to be stuck in vaccumm with no way out?
Lost in a midddle of nowhere, destined to suffer again?
And again? AND AGAIN?
I know I am ranting.. But life keeps presenting these problems to me..
I really dunnno what to do.. I am lost.. Really lost.. I need a compass and map out of here..
Out of this mess of a life I am leading..
Unless someone can bring me out of this valley of extreme darkness..
carved upon my life at 12:50:00 AM